The Smutty World of Mass Transit

Beutiful womna close-up portrait. Fast moving train behind her“Let’s be blunt: You’ll have to start showing your gonads when you go to the airport,” says Slate.com in Show Some Balls / Want to Get on An Airplane, Let’s See Some Scrotum. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s failed Christmas Day attempt to blow up the Detroit-bound Delta #253 has ensured that your crotch is going to get unprecedented attention in future air travel.  For some fun images from scanners already in use by America’s TSA (Transportation Security Administration) click here, for impressively clear close-ups of crotches, click here.  Modern terror has ensured that we are now breathing huge sighs of relief that airport security can tell which way a guy is leaning.

What’s worse?  The fact that technology will disrobe us whenever we fly or the good news that pat-downs are likely to include the groin with the advent of Abdulmutallab-style underwear bombing?  Pat-downs are not only of the officially sanctioned variety.  In Japan, more than 4000 men a year are arrested for groping on public transport.  A survey cited by ABC news claimed that almost 64% of women in their 20s and 30s Tokyo had been groped on various forms of rail transportation in the city.

What is is about mass transit that guarantees smuttiness of one form or another?  So far we’ve looked at involuntary forms.  But what of the mile high club?  Sex on board an airplane just never gets old.  The allure of the act has been blamed on reasons ranging from lower-than-usual atmospheric pressure in-cabin, to the abundance of uniformed and attractive airlines crew members, to constant vibration enhancing the likelihood of arousal and the temptation to engage in something taboo while everyone else is sitting in cramped seats consuming stale peanuts.

The problem seems to grow in gravity directly proportional to available leg room.  Singapore Airlines felt the need to publicly request its first class passenger not to have sex in its new Airbus A380 planes. Although they offer double beds in their private suites, they are not soundproof and, in the airline’s own words, “All we ask of customers, wherever they are on our aircraft, is to observe standards that don’t cause offence to other customers and crew…”

Happy New Year.

Bjorn Karlman

12 thoughts on “The Smutty World of Mass Transit”

  1. Bjorn,

    I don’t think that you’ve mentioned the worst fact about the TSA X-Ray scanners yet.

    Random people seeing me naked, does not bother me. After all, I do take showers at the YMCA after workouts, and had both male and female urologists.

    What bothers me more is the fact that we are so terrified of the plane bombings that we are willing to subject our bodies to potentially harmful scans in order to feel “safer”.

    People don’t understand the statistics of death. You know, that time you pulled out of the driveway and did not look, you went to swim and did not drown, or you were not mugged in the alley, or ate something and did not die from it. But millions of people worldwide die in exactly in such manner. Heck, people die from demanding cash back from vending machines that tipping over and crushing them in the process, or playing golf in the rain. Heck, you are more likely to die in hands of police protecting you, than from a terrorist bombing. There are plenty of stupid ways to die that we are not concerned about, which are not protected against as rigorously as against the air travel.

    How many times do we see a weighing scales next to the icecream machines, or all-you-can eat restaurants? That’s a new concept :)… an alarm going off with a voice “Step away from the Ice Cream machine!”. I know it’s mean, but I need it… and our society needs it!

    Yet, we are shaking in our boots when we see a Middle Eastern looking male who is brave enough to be loyal to his cultural attire and grooming habits.

  2. Good to hear about the showers and reliable urologists. And point taken about the statistics of death. The recent beefing up of security seems to be more about face saving for Homeland Security than actual passenger safety. I flew home to CA from London the day after the failed bombing and although I was subjected to a thorough pat-down, my crotch and underwear were left largely unmolested… the underwear bomber would have made it through…

  3. Having flown six times in the last month, I can say that, personally, I quite enjoy these invasive security measures. And for the record, that TSA chick WAS totally into me. In other matters, for all their zeal, I’m actually slightly alarmed at the fact that my carry-on went through every time loaded (no pun intended) with 40 pounds of wires and other assorted suspicious looking electronic contraptions, including a nondescript box with nobs and wires (a recording interface) and two condenser microphones housed in socks for safekeeping (the actual cases were too large to pack). Suspicious to say the least, right? No bag checks, no rescans, no questions asked by anyone at any point. Not sure whether or not I should find this disconcerting…

  4. At Ben Gurion International in Tel Aviv, Israel, they don’t need technology to disrobe you. They take you out back and make you do it yourself.

  5. Awkward. Imagine dropping your trousers in front of two men in a cramped, cubicle-like cell, their eyes glued to your crotch for the faintest sign of suspicious activity.

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