Tag Archives: embarrassing

Public Bum Scratching

scratch the bottom“Dear Bossy: I work with a man who repeatedly scratches his rear end.  How can i tell him this is unacceptable office behaviour without offending him?”

The question was posed on Australia’s Ask Bossy Blog.  Here’s the verdict:

Bossy says: … it’s time to abandon politics and get straight to the point.

Next time he goes in for a scratch enquire politely whether he has “found anything good?” When he looks quizzical, just make the motion of scratching your own behind. Embarrassing for him yes, but in many ways a public service. He needs to be alerted to the face that scratching your bum in public is not the key to success; bum excavation being almost always best done in private.

PS.  Other questions you could pose are: “Picking a winner? or “mining for opals?”

On asianfanatics.net for everything asian a forum was simply asked “do you scratch your butt in public”.  Responses were varied:

da freek: we live in a free world . . . and i’d say if it feels good .. do it !!  so i will scratch my ass in public but i refrain from scratching my groin…

orangekoko:  hMm.. i totally do that. hahaha most of the time.. unless im in front of my boss or something like that. he would yell the crap outta me. =D

cal:  If You Need To Scratch Your Butt. You Have A Personal Hygiene Problem :lol?: And No I Don’t Scratch My Butt.

A huge proportion of respondents admitted to discrete butt scratching, preferably in a restroom or through sitting down in such a way that the appropriate patch of rump receives attention.

Bum Scratching is not only a concern in the physical world, you may need to pull it off in video games.  For example, if you have an itch that needs tending in Halo 3, look no further than this WikiHow article.

1. Put your weapon down. (RB + LB + A + LS + Down D-Pad). Press all these at the same time, with your upper lip, chin or toe pressing “Down” on the “D-Pad”. “LS” is pressing the left stick down.

2. Find another weapon, preferably a small or medium sized one.

3. Crouch while switching between them rapidly. Other players will see you scratching your butt.

But back to the physical world.  If you want to get to the root of the problem, you probably should go for ANA.NO.ITCH The itch STOPS here! Naturally.”  Natacha from Schaumburg, Ills. can vouch for the efficacy of this product:

You are my prayer come true.  I have been dealing with this annoying itch for 4 years.  Nothing helped.  I would cry myself to sleep (if I fell asleep.)  No OTC, Rx medicine helped.  There were days & nights I would lay on the bed just helplessly crying.  I used AnaNOitch-D and IO am itch free! finally.  Thank you.  You saved my life from “THE ITCH.”

So there you have it, as the ANA.NO.ITCH website so aptly puts it:  THE HOLIDAYS ARE GOING TO BE WITH US SOON!  DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ITCHING…….. OR HAVING FUN?  YOUR CALL!

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Bjorn Karlman

Surviving “Fresh off the Boat” (FOB) Parenting…

Junge Türkin bei Dreharbeiten

It happened WAY too much.  And it always happened when we were already running late.  Our old, disgracefully dilapidated beast of a Buick would shut off at the bottom of the long, steep driveway to the cookie-cutter Marietta, Ga. apartment complex where we lived.  My high-strung über-Scandinavian mother would then proceed to frantically wind down the car window, stick her head out as far it would go and yell “It STOPPED!!” with shrill, Nordic determination to the annoyed assortment of early-morning drivers behind us.  Humiliated, my sister and I would shrink down in our seats, willing the moment to pass.

This, of course, was only one of the whole smorgasbord of awkward experiences my sister and I had growing up with FOB (Fresh-off-the-boat) parents who had about as much interest in blending into local culture as we did in sticking out like sore thumbs.

I’ve met enough children of FOBs to detect some patterns.  The first of these is that immigrants often have an idealist, nonconformist streak.  It took guts and ignoring naysayers to move from their homelands.  Now that they are here, some of these qualities manifest themselves in a stronger-than-usual sense of motivation. They are also less likely to concern themselves with what others think.  While this singular focus has worked well for them, their children (who are more concerned with blending in) will often find this focus too narrow and abrasive.  I’ve rarely witnessed kids that have been able to change their FOB parents.  It seems that the best thing to do is to appreciate your parents’ work ethic and recognize that they are who they are.

Another thing about FOB parents is that although they (in most cases) chose to leave their home countries, they often are extremely patriotic and nostalgic about the homeland they left behind.  They will wax lyrical about the food, the culture and the beauty of home.  Ask them if they would like to go back though and they quickly shake their heads or talk loosely about what they might do in retirement. If you were born to FOBS and have to listen to your parents and their nostalgic rambling, take it all with a grain of salt.  It is good to be aware of your roots but realize that time and distance have probably embellished the memories of your parents’ home.

One of the more obvious things about FOB parents is their accent and how they carry themselves. Accents rarely change if someone learns a language as an adult so chances are that your FOB parents really sound foreign.  My mom’s accent used to embarrass me, but nowadays it is much more of a source of amusement.  As with most things about foreign parents and their cultural idiosyncrasies, if you can see the humor in the situation, you can actually enjoy it.  On that note, let’s conclude with a video from HappySlip, a YouTube-based comedy series by Christine Gambito, a Filipina American who plays all her characters and who has the funniest take I have ever seen on the FOB experience…

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Bjorn Karlman