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Celebrities are Going to Save the World

paparazzi

“Stop it with the Jesus complex. Are you Bono? Yes. Are you Jesus? No. Your intentions are excellent and at least 60% of your music catalog is still indisputably great. But if you were to play the whole “Bono Thing” a little more low key, tipsters and I might not laugh every time you talk about changing the world like it’s the pop culture punchline it is..”

Harsh?  Foster Kamer in Gawker is reacting to a tip from a reader who has had enough: “Another f*****g Bono op-ed…”  The complaint is a reaction to Bono’s January 2, 2010 New York times op-ed in which, in classic, stagey Bono-speak, the star offers ten ideas for a better decade admitting they, “have little in common with one another except that I am seized by each, and moved by its potential to change our world.”

The energy star-struck fans channel into gushing over celebrities and their pet charity causes is only equaled by the theater in the snooty sneer wannabe high-brow critics flash as they pass the tabolid rack.  Either way the stars win as brand recognition soars, fueled by the collective chatter of lesser mortals.  As politicos revel in the glorious gridlock of global terror, nuclear threats and climate brawls, let’s adjust our gaze and focus on the celebrities that will usher us into utopia:

Bruce Willis: In 2005 the Die Hard star brought us one step closer to toppling terror as he announced that he would give $1M to whomever killed Bin Laden.  This was not enough though so he later offered an additional million to whomever could finish off then head of Al-Qaeda’s Iraqi bureau, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.  Follow-through was not good on the latter promise.  When Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was finally killed in 2006, Willis coughed up exactly zero, explaining his comments (originally made in a live phone chat on MSNBC) where metaphorical and not intended for the general public.

Jude Law: One-upping Bruce Willis, Jude Law announced in 2007 that he was going to be traveling to Afghanistan to bring peace to the region.  “I felt there was no way they would want the blood of a film crew from the West on their hands,” he explained on his return.  “Obviously, the situation was too complicated for us to sit down with actual members of the Taliban…  But we were led to believe that the effects of our conversations with the right people filtered through to them.’  Phew.  Call off the surge.

Brown Baby Adoptathon Participants: It’s not just Brangelina and Madonna and their famous international adoptions.  Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer, Rosie O’Donnell and former couple, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, all adopted.  In ‘Adoption Fever’ Among Celebrities – Good or Bad?, Netscape Celebrity states, “Whether altruism and love, or self-interest — or some of each — are motivational factors behind celebrity adoptions, there is no denying the stars’ actions are influencing others. In fact, the popularity of adoption among celebrities has been credited with helping to broaden the general public’s definition of what constitutes a desirable adoption.”    Hmmm… remember how everyone started carrying around chihuahua’s because Paris Hilton made it look hot?  Well, the craze is over and now chihuahua’s are being abandoned at record rates all over California and they compose 30% of the dog population in the state’s shelters.

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Bjorn Karlman