Mail Order Husbands

Smiling senior woman using credit card and laptop

It’s a gaping hole of an opportunity for the entrepreneurially-minded.  While there is a highly developed mail order bride industry that has spread for years through catalogs and on the Internet, there is nothing for women who might like to swipe their Visa card for an exotic hubby.  If you do your homework online you will probably come across mailorderhusbands.net.  The bummer here is that this is a spoof site.  Here are some of the husbands featured:

Faud from San Benardino, Calif.: “HALF PRICE” is printed over his face and his ad says: “Ladies, I’m still available. I’ve been here for about 2 years. what gives? Don’t ya wanna party with me? woohoo… They lowered my price twice already. I’m a red-hot special, come and get me.”

Bertram from Manitoba, Canada: Clyde seeks Bonnie to be partners in crime… I am a trouble maker! Techno-hedonist prone to psychobabble and taking stupid risks. Fun craving, riot inciting, thrill seeking geek girls preferred. Choir girls need not apply, because I plan on committing a few sins and misdemeanors in my time. I got booted off Match.com for cyber stalking but I’m better now.

Akim from Lebanon: It’s actually quite ridiculous that I’m here. I do extremely well for myself – meeting ladies everywhere I go. Since I don’t really need this, you might not hear back from me, but I do appreciate all your notes.

If you want the real deal though, it’s not looking good.  There’s virtually nothing to compete with the plethora of options available to men looking for foreign-bought brides.  The closest you could get was featured in an April 24, 2006 article in Associatedcontent.com.  Featured was the Golden Boys marriage agency based in Ukraine that featured gay Ukrainians looking for marriage.  The link to the English version of the Golden Boys website no longer works, so no luck there.  More to the point, if you are a woman looking for straight men, you have not even moved from square one.

No wonder then that askville posts a particularly exasperated WHERE DO I FIND “MAIL-ORDER HUSBANDS???” inquiry.  The ads and replies say it all.  The ads are for online dating sites, How2DetectAffair.com and other unsatisfactory solutions.  Then all the actual answers turn to mail order bride catalogs and sites on the one hand and warnings to shun mail-order approaches on the other.

Looks like mundane reality may still offer the best options.  Shmitten Kitten, in an article titled Oh F*** It: We’re Gonna Get a Mailorder Husband, responds to the options on mailorderhusbands.net: Is this site sponsored by the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corporation or something because this is making Philly guys look like an entire city of Brad Pitts.  After skimming this site for two minutes, I’d take a flaky artist with a working knowledge of the Belle & Sebastian back catalog over these wackjobs any day of the week.

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Bjorn Karlman

6 thoughts on “Mail Order Husbands

  1. Feeling lonely, Björn? I’m sure there are nice girls where you’re at, no need to start up a “Mail Order Swedish Husbands” site just yet. ;-)

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