I am not sure why this quote from Tim Ferriss has had such an effect on me over the years, but it has:

“There have been several points in my life… at which I saw my future as another fat man in a midlife-crisis BMW.  I simply looked at those who were 15-20 years ahead of me on the same (professional) track… and it scared the hell out of me.”

This passage from “The 4-Hour Workweek” is one of the most motivating I have come across in current lifestyle lit.

Whenever I feel like my priorities are off or I am making bad long-term decisions I try to project out 20 years or so and think about what will happen if I continue life like this:

Boring Job – Will I be stuck in a mind-numbing job?  A close friend of mine just graduated from law school last weekend.  We had some downtime after the commencement ceremony and were talking about what motivated our generation relative to what motivated that of our parents.

We decided (perhaps unfairly) that whereas our parents’ generation had money as their main motivator when it came to professional life, our motivators were more lifestyle driven.

For example, if you wanted to recruit our parents’ generation when they were young professionals you could lock them in by promising to double their income.  That, while still attractive, would not go as far with our generation which would likely prefer a 50% increase in income, two weeks of additional paid vacation and the option to work from home.

More importantly, Gen Y professionals crave meaning in their work lives.  THAT is why the bald, fat man in the red BMW scares the crap out of us.  We don’t want to be corporate automatons.

Ridiculous Mortgage – As the options of mobile living and worldwide travel/work become more and more of a reality today, home ownership (with the recent memory of home values plummeting insanely) is less and less of a draw.  Why tie yourself down to one location?  Why sign yourself up for the golden handcuffs of an awful (yet well-paid) job just to pay the mortgage for a house that you have long-since come to resent despite its square footage?

Estranged Spouse and Kids – If there were ever a thing that the boomers proved conclusively, it is the fact that their obsession with work and materialism ruined families.  Time away from home skewed priorities and the Western epidemic of workaholism has added up to a lifestyle where relationships that should matter, don’t.  The result is the most dysfunctional set of family dynamics on record.

Overworked – Allow me to continue on the subject of workaholism. An entrepreneur friend of mine with a lot of physician friends says that he hears the same thing over and over:  “How do I get out of the rat race?  I want out!”  These doctors, while well paid, fully realize that if they stop working their 12 hour days, shuttling patients in and out of their offices, the game is over, no moolah.  So they are trapped.  And they hate it.

Obese – When you take on boomer work values you also take on their tendency to be obese.  Part of what’s so scary about the guy in the red BMW is that, despite his status symbol, he is a chunkster.  Nobody is impressed.  And worse yet, the rat race is only going to make it worse.  The downward spiral of horrible lifestyle decisions, fueled by comfort food, late hours, terrible relationship and anti-depressants is a heart attack waiting to happen.  We need something new.

Savvy, global do-gooding

We each have an opportunity to define this “new” lifestyle.  My goals behind CultureMutt are to help contribute to this conversation about a healthier, more compassionate, more exciting, more globally-minded lifestyle.  We need to get intentional about savvy, global do-gooding.  What is the cost of a little experimentation when the “norm” is the rat race and nobody healthy enjoys it?

Another Tim Ferriss quote:

“Gold is getting old.  The New Rich (NR) are those who abandon the deferred-life plan and create luxury lifestyles in the present using the currency of the New Rich: time and mobility.  This is an art and a science we will refer to as Lifestyle Design (LD).”

Stay tuned, the next couple posts will be about Lifestyle Design.

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Bjorn Karlman

They are a special breed.  You meet them in hostels and and tourist hot spots and volunteer hubs the world over.  They play hard but rarely work hard.  This is often their first time abroad. They are rebelling from very structured backgrounds.  They party a lot.  Too much.  And its often on their parents’ dime.  They are on a quest to find themselves.  Being away from home has them feeling insecure. So they over-compensate by big talk.  Often political talk.  And its typically deeply nationalistic.  It’s harmless patriotism gone harmful.  In every conversation they need their country to come out the victor.  It is nauseating.

Before you think I am singling out a certain country as the source of these patriotic party people I want to emphasize that I have seen all kinds of them.  From pretty much everywhere.  After all, it only takes a crude surplus of time, cheap beers and inexperience to have the perfect conditions for an (often young) traveler to start sounding off about how their country is the best and so clearly superior to the host culture for a litany of reasons.  What typically sets them off is a bad experience.  Someone was rude to them.  Their girlfriend / boyfriend back home broke up with them.  They embarrassed themselves in some way.

Their rhetoric is often deeply critical of the local situation.  I have often met them in volunteer contexts such as English language schools or humanitarian construction projects.  They are there as volunteers and visitors but they quickly let everyone know how much they wish they were home and how everything is better at home.  They disagree with how things are run locally.  If you have visited their home countries and dare to challenge their overly rosy picture of life there they quickly learn to despise you.

How do you help them?  I have found that very little works.  The answer is certainly not to try to fight them.  If you contradict them or try to humiliate them with superior knowledge of politics or (if you have it) a stronger understanding of their country and its place in the world, you will only put them on the defensive and intensify their vitriol.  One option is to ignore them.  But this may not be an option if you are working on a small team together in a volunteer context or if you both are staying in the same small hostel.

What sometimes works is befriending them and gradually showing them the benefits of toning down the rhetoric, letting up on the combative spirit and actually enjoying the host culture.   They are behaving the way they are because they come from a place of insecurity.  So if you can provide them with the security of friendship and a local connection, chances are they will appreciate it.  Surprise them the next time they start ranting about how bad the food / TV / service / transportation is locally and invite them to a local sporting event.  Bring your most mature local friend (briefing him or her on the patriotic partyhead’s tendency to be crudely nationalistic) and show the young irate one the time of his or her life.  Treat them extraordinarily well.  Hit the best local eatery after the game.  Introduce the young nationalist to some of the coolest locals you know.  Show him or her the  benefits of savvy, global do-gooding: Amazing local friends.  Ease of travel.  Adventure minus the agitation of stupid fights.  The buzz of experiencing the beauty of a culture that is not your own.  Get creative.  This may be your only chance to make an impression.

You may fail.  But chances are that regardless of the outcome they will remember the experience.  This, their first trip abroad may be a lost cause but the next time they set food overseas they may have a different perspective.

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Here’s a breakdown of the typical lunch in a few of the places I have lived:

Rural France:  Two leisurely hours of eating, talking and drinking.

A Filipino Fishing Village:   An hour of eating and socializing followed by another hour of a siesta nap, stretched out on bamboo platforms.

Buenos Aires, Argentina: A civilized break of an hour or so (enough to get to a decent restaurant)… rural areas and smaller towns shut down for lunch and take longer.

England and the United States:  A stale sandwich at your desk.

Sweden:  A buddy of mine Facebooked me with a link to the latest trend in Swedish urban culture:  Clubbing for lunch.   Here’s how it works (I’m not sure whether to be proud or embarrassed):

1)  People literally leave work for an hour and dance.

2)  The location looks like a club, complete with appropriate lighting (or lack thereof) and DJs spinning.

3)  No alcohol or drugs

4) There is food and drink (which most people grab on the way out)

5)  Clubbing for lunch has gotten so popular as a de-stressor that employers are starting to buy tickets and offer them to employees as perks.

Hierarchy?

As much as it is very tempting to be a cultural fundamentalist and insist that one system is better than the other, I am personally convinced that doing so is stupid.  First of all, you close yourself off to different ways of being human that could actually improve your life.  Second, you look like a bigot.  If I could have a dollar or euro for every time I have heard some Americans criticize Europeans for being lazy and unproductive and some Europeans criticize Americans for being workaholic fatties, I would be a modestly rich person taking multi-hour lunch breaks.  You never look like a good person when you blow off steam like this, just irate and inflexible.

Cultural Buffet

One of the fundamental ideas behind savvy, global do-gooding is to treat global cultures as a huge buffet… you as the cultural savant get to pick and choose of the best out there.  Do this with your lunch breaks.  Sure, it often makes sense to prioritize productivity and a strong work ethic.  But all work and no play makes you a very pathetic person.  So mix it up.  With more than just your lunch habits.

There is so much variety out there and the beauty of travel and the internet is that you have access to different views and cultural practices on a level that has previously been impossible.  Be a culturemutt.  Enjoy and practice the best of what you come across.

Life is beautiful and exposure to world cultures will make you a better, fuller person.  Get out there, explore and experiment.

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Bjorn Karlman

I am sure it is something about coming from a European, famously neutral country starting with “Sw”.  People always think I am from Switzerland.

I tell them quite clearly that I am from Sweden and then they turn around and introduce me to their friends and say, “This is Bjorn, he’s Swiss.”  It drives me crazy.

Swiss stuff that doesn’t apply to Sweden

Why do people mix these two countries up?  Sweden is not Switzerland.  Not even close.  We don’t have Heidi.  We are not big on goofy-yet-charming goat bells. We are not known for our chocolate (unless you happen to be an IKEA addict and you spend too much time in the food section).  Evil dictators don’t clamor to invest in our banks.

No use

As much as I explain the above to people they still just nod and then come up to me two weeks later and try to tell me about their other Swiss friend or they ask me for travel tips for Zurich.   Come on!

Fun Swedish Stereotypes

It’s not like Sweden is running low on stereotypes.  Whenever there is a dumb lumber jack character in a movie or commercial, he has a Swedish accent.  Whenever there is a foreign, blond bikini-clad hottie in a role, she most likely is also Swedish.  Whenever my right wing friends get riled up about socialism they list Sweden as one of the countries where doomsday has been realized.  I could go on and on.  There are TONS of stereotypes, good and bad to choose from.  Associate me with ANY of them but lay off with the freaking “Swiss” label.

So What?

Why is this a big deal?  Well, at first it wasn’t.  But trust me, the 50th time you hear it, it gets old.  When you are from a small country, identity can be important.  You want to be recognized as unique, not confused with being from somewhere else.  It’s kind of like the time I was working in the Filipino fishing village I called home for a while and I was asked where in the United States Sweden was… Ugghghghghghg.

Oversensitive?

Am I being oversensitive?  Yes.  But you know what?  I don’t care.

THERE: end of mid-week rant.

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Bjorn Karlman

There’s a fine line between being honest and being rude.  The post title is a classic example.  If someone asks you if they look fat, should you tell the truth?    As this is CultureMutt you are right to expect a “cultural” spin on this.  The fact of the matter is that honesty expresses itself differently in different parts of the world.

The Geography of Honesty

I’ve lived in fairly blunt countries (Sweden, the United States, Argentina) and more tactful countries (Britain, Hong Kong and the Philippines).  Honesty is expressed differently in each of these countries.  You can obviously be honest in any of these countries but each culture has rules about just how much honesty you should offer up to people and how to do so.

Honest Lying

Growing up in Asia I was taught early on that saving face was very important.  You always wanted to allow people to save face and you yourself put a huge priority on saving face in delicate situations.  So while bluntness may have been called for in a Western setting, Asian etiquette required a more indirect approach.  For example, if you are visiting an Asian home and they ask you how you like their food, I would definitely err on the side on being overly positive.

Do not criticize it and do not even opt for calling the food “interesting”.  You are not being dishonest by saying that it tastes “good”.  If you do not like the food, nobody is interested in your honest opinion.  Keep it to yourself, smile and say the food tastes great.  This is common courtesy.

How ya doin?

Some may consider this lying.  It is not.  In American society we are forever asking others how they are doing.  It is a greeting.  Nobody really believes that you are “doing great” every time you say you are.  But you still say it, don’t you?  Well, it is the same in indirect cultures when it comes to expressing your opinion about something delicate.  Unless you absolutely have to confront or be direct, avoid it.  Beat around the bush.  It is the right thing to do.  You will get results much quicker this way than if you insist on blazing a trail of bullish, Western directness.

Nordic Bluntness

In Sweden and other more blunt cultures, on the other hand, the kind of indirect approach that is correct in an Asian setting is almost considered to be dishonest.  People want more of a straight-up approach.  If you say you like something to be polite while secretly you hate it, people will consider you dishonest or weak for feigning appreciation.  I have personally been called out on a number of occasions because I default to Asian indirectness in certain situations where Westerner norms crave candor.

My bad

Forgetting where you are can be a problem.  It typically takes me a week or two (and a few embarrassing mistakes) for me to readjust to where I am.  What I have found to be effective in situations where I mess up is a quick apology and an honest explanation that I am still adjusting to the different culture.  People tend to be pretty understanding and will often go out of their way to explain some basic dos and don’ts while you find your footing…

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Bjorn Karlman

I’ll never forget it.  I was 16, working in a little village in the Cavite province of the Philippines, just outside Manila.  On this particular occasion I was at a Korean friend’s house.  I was joining about 10 other guys in repeatedly bowing down to a Korean grandmother.

The occasion was Korean New Year (the first day of the lunar calendar).  The bowing was part of an ancestral ritual called Sebae and was basically a way to show respect for elders.  With the grandma being the eldest person in the room, she was the object of our ceremonial bowing.

The ritual, the traditional hanbok dress that some of the crowd wore, and the absolutely amazing food that lay waiting made for a pretty unforgettable impression.

Thanks to the help of the truly horrifying iPhone AgingBooth app (and an effect from Instagram), I’ve taken a sneak peak at my future (opposite).  It’s wrinkled.

As much as this is a total gag app, it actually made me think.  Maybe it isn’t too far off.  Maybe that actually is how I will look at 65.

“Seeing” myself at 65 made me think of what I would want other parts of my life to look like.  Here’s a working list:

1)  Jammie and I have two kids: Boy and girl.  Hopefully some grandkids… but that is unlikely given the fact that WE don’t even have kids yet.

2)  Homeless:  We don’t live anywhere full-time.  Instead we have favorite hubs where we kick it.  Here’s a sublist of those places:  London, Los Angeles, Butte County (CA), Buenos Aires, Hong Kong, Manila.

3)  We see those closest to us a LOT:  One of my key complaints about life now is that, at best, Jammie and I see those closest to us a few times a year.  In the case of my family, it is like once or twice a year.  That isn’t good enough.  We have GOT to be more mobile.

3)  Jammie and I speak: Mandarin.  (To keep up with the kids who will have had a Mandarin-speaking nanny.)

4)  I’m looking back at a career that: Meant something and helped people.  Internationally.

5)  I’m still blogging for CultureMutt:  And I hope YOU are still reading and commenting:)

6)  I’m not scared of my age:  I work with a woman who volunteers in my office and is one of the sharpest, most elegantly dressed people I know.  Dorothy is 97.  I want to be her.

7)  I’m in marathon runner shape:  I have started running again and my goal is to get in shape for several marathons a year.  And keep it up.

8)  I am volunteering for something that requires inordinate amounts of public speaking:  Maybe it is because I joined Toastmasters (a truly superb, international, Public Speaking society with over a quarter million members worldwide) but I LOVE public speaking and take every opportunity I can get to get better at it.  Volunteer work involving public speaking would be great.

9)  I’m enrolled in a top-notch culinary institute:  I would love to go back to school at 65.  Something practical like chef’s credentials would be ideal.

I am sure I’ll add to the list but this is fine for now.  How would your list look?  Tell me in the comments.

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Bjorn Karlman

Two More Things…

1) We’ll be looking at the aging process from a multicultural perspective this week so be sure to check back in.

2)  At my last weigh-in, I had lost approx 13 lbs since I started my First Monthly Challenge.  This will be my last week of the juice / smoothie diet so I am looking for a strong finish and will keep you posted.

Seoul is exploding with activity.

I was last there a couple years ago and was blown away by the energy and sheer willpower on display.  Every weekday my roommates woke up at about 5:00 AM to rush to work and school respectively.  I would get in the spirit and go jogging down the streets of Gangnam-gu (Seoul’s Beverly Hills) before dawn and swarms of people would already be out, rushing to their first appointments. “Diligence” seemed to be the word on everyone’s lips.  People worked ridiculous hours.  School kids were in after-school classes until 8:00 PM or later at night.  The city never seemed to stop.  It blew my mind.

Facts like these had me mesmerized:

1) Koreans work the longest hours in the industrialized world.

2) The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) listed Koreans as spending the least time doing unpaid shopping each day (13 minutes) of all OECD country members.  (France had the most at 32 minutes… those slackers…)

3) Koreans spend more money per capita on education than any other country

4) Koreans, on average, take so little vacation time that, in 2010, the government felt the need to intervene and force government employees to submit plans to their bosses to take 16 days off that year. 

With this incredibly strong work ethic you would expend tremendous results.  And to be fair, since the Korean War, South Korea has risen to and joined the ranks of some of the most wealthy countries in the world.  However, all the hours and exertion don’t automatically translate into results.  Korean productivity ranks very low compared to other industrialized countries.

Why?  Check out these thoughts from Korean politician Moon Kook-hyun, head of the Creative Korea Party.

“Yes, sometimes we should work harder, but most times we should work smarter,”

“Government policies will determine whether Korea stays a muscle-based economy, or is upgraded to a knowledge-based economy,”

The habit of working long hours at low levels of productivity is “like brainwashing for Koreans,” he said. “Our leaders need to be disconnected from their former ways.”‘

So take a lesson from the Korean example.  Be diligent, by all means, but value results over dedication.  You have a life to live.

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Bjorn Karlman

Have any FOBS in your life?  “FOB” stands for Fresh Off The Boat and basically refers to a very recent immigrant.  Today’s post, comes at the end of a week dealing with friendships so what more fitting a way to finish up than to tackle the topic of FOB friends?  Here’s how you pick one out in a crowd:

1)  They are making a peace sign at the camera in every photo – OK so this definitely holds for Asian FOBS… don’t hate me for pointing it out.  My wife did it as a joke sometimes when we first started dating.  Then she went to work in Korea for 6 months and it is now her permanent pic pose.

2)  They will gladly tell you that you are fat. – Especially FOB parents your parents age have no problem hitting you straight.  For more on FOB parents, click here.

3)  They can be super polite and then super blunt – Typical lines from FOBS:  “Excuse me, Bjorn, but do you mind if I tell you something?  You are such a nice boy and this makes me “embarrass”.  But your hair looks no good.”  WOW.

4)  They seriously think Vicks can fix EVERYTHING – When I lived in the Philippines they had something like Vicks that was believed to have all kinds of powers.  You could use it for any ailment, just rub it on where it hurts… I used it for a stomach ache once when I was 11.  It worked.

5)  They are SUPER cheap in everyday life and then they throw the BIGGEST BIRTHDAY PARTIES you have EVER SEEN – FOBS can be NEXT LEVEL cheap.  Check out the Happy Slip video above of the mom sawing the paper towel roll in half.  This is TYPICAL.  But then you go to a bday bash and they have rented out a hot venue, there is a band, tons of food and the place is packed. HUH??!!

6)  They’ve got plastic on the furniture they bought years ago. – How this is supposed to help their living rooms I DO NOT KNOW but I have seen this quite a bit.  And the plastic is getting ratty…

7)  They are VERY superstitious – My grandma, an otherwise intelligent, grounded woman would swear up and down that there were “little people” that lived in the forest in Sweden.  She would defend this belief to anyone.  I have FOB friends that you would never want to take camping because they could tell you ghost stories that would make you wet yourself.

I know you’ve got your own FOB spotting tips.  Hit me with them in the comments.

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Bjorn Karlman

your posse?

On Sunday I posted about friends that need dumping.  Although today’s post title suggests yet another demographic to avoid, I want to go one step further and talk about the friends with which we should surround ourselves.  In our quest for savvy, global do-gooding one our biggest priorities has to be finding the right friends.

A good 80% of my job as a professional fundraiser involves networking and relationship building.  I have found that applying lessons of professional networking to my personal friendships pays off. Before you get too worked up, I am not preaching being fake or manipulative.  I am talking about being productive and being intentional.

As lifestyle guru Tim Ferriss says, “surround yourself with smiling, positive people who have absolutely nothing to do with work.”

Why Not to Pick Work People  - Where to find good friends?  For starters, a good general rule is that you should avoid the workplace.  Not that everyone you work with is a complete moron.  But you do need a break from reminders of work… even if they come in the form of cool colleagues.

Easier Said Than Done – The question of how to make good friends gets tougher when it is over-analyzed.  Letting it happen organically is the best way to go.  The catch is that, even if it needs to happen naturally, you DO have to make an almost unnatural effort if you want to connect with the right people.  Average efforts result in average networks.  Chemistry is a mystery but without lots of activity, chemistry won’t have a chance to do its magic.  So make the effort to go to where people are.  Meet, interact, connect over things held in common.  You’ll find some great people.

How to Attract Them – There is something about positive energy that attracts more of the same.  Fun people don’t hang out with downers and vice versa.  If you want smiling, happy friends, then develop a spring in your step.  There is something irresistible about positivity.  Regardless of your culture or nationality, positive energy transcends barriers and multiplies.

The Difference Between Energy and Cheese – There’s a little caveat that I would like to add to my last point, however.  As this is CultureMutt I do want to point out that it is important to study a culture before trying to win friends in it.  As an example, I am going to pick on Americans.  American warmth and “excitement” often looks like unmitigated, goofy cheese when it is taken abroad.  Tone it right down.  Be yourself minus a few notches.  A little homework on how to convey your energy goes a long way.

How do you attract the people that you want in your inner circle?  Let me know in the comments….

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Bjorn Karlman