I am not sure why this quote from Tim Ferriss has had such an effect on me over the years, but it has:

“There have been several points in my life… at which I saw my future as another fat man in a midlife-crisis BMW.  I simply looked at those who were 15-20 years ahead of me on the same (professional) track… and it scared the hell out of me.”

This passage from “The 4-Hour Workweek” is one of the most motivating I have come across in current lifestyle lit.

Whenever I feel like my priorities are off or I am making bad long-term decisions I try to project out 20 years or so and think about what will happen if I continue life like this:

Boring Job – Will I be stuck in a mind-numbing job?  A close friend of mine just graduated from law school last weekend.  We had some downtime after the commencement ceremony and were talking about what motivated our generation relative to what motivated that of our parents.

We decided (perhaps unfairly) that whereas our parents’ generation had money as their main motivator when it came to professional life, our motivators were more lifestyle driven.

For example, if you wanted to recruit our parents’ generation when they were young professionals you could lock them in by promising to double their income.  That, while still attractive, would not go as far with our generation which would likely prefer a 50% increase in income, two weeks of additional paid vacation and the option to work from home.

More importantly, Gen Y professionals crave meaning in their work lives.  THAT is why the bald, fat man in the red BMW scares the crap out of us.  We don’t want to be corporate automatons.

Ridiculous Mortgage – As the options of mobile living and worldwide travel/work become more and more of a reality today, home ownership (with the recent memory of home values plummeting insanely) is less and less of a draw.  Why tie yourself down to one location?  Why sign yourself up for the golden handcuffs of an awful (yet well-paid) job just to pay the mortgage for a house that you have long-since come to resent despite its square footage?

Estranged Spouse and Kids – If there were ever a thing that the boomers proved conclusively, it is the fact that their obsession with work and materialism ruined families.  Time away from home skewed priorities and the Western epidemic of workaholism has added up to a lifestyle where relationships that should matter, don’t.  The result is the most dysfunctional set of family dynamics on record.

Overworked – Allow me to continue on the subject of workaholism. An entrepreneur friend of mine with a lot of physician friends says that he hears the same thing over and over:  “How do I get out of the rat race?  I want out!”  These doctors, while well paid, fully realize that if they stop working their 12 hour days, shuttling patients in and out of their offices, the game is over, no moolah.  So they are trapped.  And they hate it.

Obese – When you take on boomer work values you also take on their tendency to be obese.  Part of what’s so scary about the guy in the red BMW is that, despite his status symbol, he is a chunkster.  Nobody is impressed.  And worse yet, the rat race is only going to make it worse.  The downward spiral of horrible lifestyle decisions, fueled by comfort food, late hours, terrible relationship and anti-depressants is a heart attack waiting to happen.  We need something new.

Savvy, global do-gooding

We each have an opportunity to define this “new” lifestyle.  My goals behind CultureMutt are to help contribute to this conversation about a healthier, more compassionate, more exciting, more globally-minded lifestyle.  We need to get intentional about savvy, global do-gooding.  What is the cost of a little experimentation when the “norm” is the rat race and nobody healthy enjoys it?

Another Tim Ferriss quote:

“Gold is getting old.  The New Rich (NR) are those who abandon the deferred-life plan and create luxury lifestyles in the present using the currency of the New Rich: time and mobility.  This is an art and a science we will refer to as Lifestyle Design (LD).”

Stay tuned, the next couple posts will be about Lifestyle Design.

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Bjorn Karlman

Thanks to the help of the truly horrifying iPhone AgingBooth app (and an effect from Instagram), I’ve taken a sneak peak at my future (opposite).  It’s wrinkled.

As much as this is a total gag app, it actually made me think.  Maybe it isn’t too far off.  Maybe that actually is how I will look at 65.

“Seeing” myself at 65 made me think of what I would want other parts of my life to look like.  Here’s a working list:

1)  Jammie and I have two kids: Boy and girl.  Hopefully some grandkids… but that is unlikely given the fact that WE don’t even have kids yet.

2)  Homeless:  We don’t live anywhere full-time.  Instead we have favorite hubs where we kick it.  Here’s a sublist of those places:  London, Los Angeles, Butte County (CA), Buenos Aires, Hong Kong, Manila.

3)  We see those closest to us a LOT:  One of my key complaints about life now is that, at best, Jammie and I see those closest to us a few times a year.  In the case of my family, it is like once or twice a year.  That isn’t good enough.  We have GOT to be more mobile.

3)  Jammie and I speak: Mandarin.  (To keep up with the kids who will have had a Mandarin-speaking nanny.)

4)  I’m looking back at a career that: Meant something and helped people.  Internationally.

5)  I’m still blogging for CultureMutt:  And I hope YOU are still reading and commenting:)

6)  I’m not scared of my age:  I work with a woman who volunteers in my office and is one of the sharpest, most elegantly dressed people I know.  Dorothy is 97.  I want to be her.

7)  I’m in marathon runner shape:  I have started running again and my goal is to get in shape for several marathons a year.  And keep it up.

8)  I am volunteering for something that requires inordinate amounts of public speaking:  Maybe it is because I joined Toastmasters (a truly superb, international, Public Speaking society with over a quarter million members worldwide) but I LOVE public speaking and take every opportunity I can get to get better at it.  Volunteer work involving public speaking would be great.

9)  I’m enrolled in a top-notch culinary institute:  I would love to go back to school at 65.  Something practical like chef’s credentials would be ideal.

I am sure I’ll add to the list but this is fine for now.  How would your list look?  Tell me in the comments.

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Bjorn Karlman

Two More Things…

1) We’ll be looking at the aging process from a multicultural perspective this week so be sure to check back in.

2)  At my last weigh-in, I had lost approx 13 lbs since I started my First Monthly Challenge.  This will be my last week of the juice / smoothie diet so I am looking for a strong finish and will keep you posted.

It’s not you it is them.  Stop making excuses for the following sorts of “friends” and get to dumping them:

1)  The closet bigot:  Dumping someone is never easy but, by all means, start with the closet bigot.  There are too many of them still around.  They poison their conversations with barely closeted intolerance and animosity.  Outright hate is no longer fashionable but beware of the passive aggressive racial or cultural jabs and call people on them.

2)  The chronic critic:  Getting over getting dumped by “friends” that are chronic critics might be easier than dumping them.  So object to their constant negativity.  If they stop their negativity, then great.  If not, then let them dump you for someone else that will listen to their crap.  It’s OK.

3)  The hopeless gossip:  Relationships end.  It’s a fact of life.  Let your relationship with the hopeless gossip end.  Pull that plug.  Read “How to get over a breakup” posts if you need to but realize that the hopeless gossip will talk about you the second you turn your back.  You’ll get over this type quick. 

4)  The old school snob:  This is CultureMutt so you were right to expect a cultural spin on this friend dumping post.  The “old school snob” for the purposes of this post, is the kind that hides their intolerance of other cultures and people behind a veneer of “concern for society” and “patriotism”.  There is nothing responsible or patriotic about racism or intolerance.  Dump him.

5)  The snooty capitalist:  The opposite of savvy, global do-gooding is snooty hoarding.  If you are around people that never express an interest or any concern for those less fortunate, you know you have a problem.  Don’t let them infect you with their talk of “lazy poor people” or “every man for himself”.  There is ALWAYS place for compassion and smart policy. 

Does all this sound a little harsh?  Maybe it is.  Certainly there is room for commonsense and compassion – even for offenders in all the above categories.  Patience and concerned conversation have a place and if someone is open to some quality introspection, give them the benefit of the doubt.  But rest assured that if you surround yourself with determined degenerates, you too will become one.

Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.

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Bjorn Karlman

What is the American Dream?  Traditional answers included any of the following:

1) White picket fences

2) Your own huge house

3) At least two cars

4) Being Number One

Excuse me while I yawn.  

Childhood Dreams

Growing up in the Philippines I was absolutely sold on the American Dream.  I remember being depressed and incredibly down as a 12 year-old when my family moved from the US to Europe for work-related reasons.  Somehow I knew  that America was the ultimate destination, that the American Dream was real and that I could have it.

Coming to America (Again)

I was incredibly excited to get to study in the US for college.  I could not wait to get my shot at the American life.  I took to my studies with some serious rigor and networked like a madman trying to track down all the best internship or work opportunities.  I found an employer that was willing to hire me and file expensive paperwork for me straight out of college.  I was on the verge of the American Dream.  I was making it!  Or so I thought.

Not so hot

I had come to the US in 2001 right before 9/11.  In the decade that followed, terrorism and America’s response to it put at damper on the allure of America.  Somehow life in the United States looked less attractive.  The balance of power and wealth in the world was shifting.  China was rising.  It passed Japan as the second largest economy in the world.  Other non-traditional players were emerging – South Korea, India, Brazil.  A lot of the members of the international intelligentsia that previously contributed to brain drain from other countries were choosing not to come to the US.

And then Came the Recession

I moved up to Northern California for my second job in 2008 as world economies were crashing and everyone was foretelling Armageddon.  America was on the brink of another depression.  Even illegal immigration was down and the worldwide opinion of American was not nearly what it had been.  Not much has improved despite the hope so many had during the last election cycle.

Here’s the Thing Though…

But I am not giving up yet.  Call it brainwashing or naivete, I still believe that the US will rebound.  The recent dip in the unemployment rate, a recovered auto industry and a few other flickers of hope on the American economic horizon are a few near-tangibles but there is something far more powerful that I am banking on:  American can-do-it-ness.  If there is one thing that has defined the American experience so far it is this:  AMERICA ALWAYS COMES BACK.  This is not a bet against the rest of the world or a patriotic plug for American imperialism.  Power has limits and there is nothing wrong with adapting with the times.  But here’s what I can say with confidence:  I truly believe that America is a uniquely resilient country.  Will it go the way of Rome?  Maybe.  But I am not convinced we have to resign ourselves to the cynical reading of history that armchair political prophets indulge.  Failure does not have to be inevitable.  Let’s rise above that kind of thinking.  Let’s remember that a colony threw off the chains of tyranny not so long ago and rose to heights unparalleled.  Let’s remember that slavery was abolished.  Let’s remember Normandy.  Let’s remember the bridge at Selma.  Let’s remember that preacher from Atlanta.  Let’s remember the man on the moon.  Let’s remember the Berlin Wall.

The American Dream doesn’t need to be shallow and materialistic.  Let it instead be an unflagging belief in the future and our capacity to work for something better.

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Bjorn Karlman

I don’t believe in being driven by guilt.  Yet so often I am. The question of how much of my income I should be giving to charity makes me feel uncomfortable. I often feel like I should somehow be giving more. That what I am doing is not enough.

I work in hospital fundraising so I understand how the fundraising machine works.  The charity identifies a pressing need and decides how best to get the word out to potential donors.  They use the most powerful images and stories available to convey the need.  They send the right people to talk to you.  If they can tug at your heartstrings, they will.  It is a science.

I don’t say the above to make any of us cynical.  Any worthy cause needs to be persuasively presented.  If you cannot engage the emotions of your donor base, its “game over” in fundraising.  People don’t give from the head, they give from the heart.

But even if I understand the mechanics and persuasion behind major fundraising, I am still stuck with the dilemma of deciding just how much to give to each cause.  I tend to be a big supporter of one or two causes and then to give token gifts to everything else.  Is this living generously?  Is this being a savvy do-gooder?

Some look to the traditional tithing system in churches as their saving grace -  10% of their income goes to one religious entity and, voilà, they are all done.  I’m not saying 10% is bad… it’s a lot more than most people do.  But it doesn’t answer my questions about how discerning giving should work.  Should you go for the extremes?  There are the next level giving types that practically (or literally) take vows of poverty and then there are those that give to causes as though they were fashion statements.

I’ve gone through phases where I have felt guilty for spending money on some of life’s luxuries that I enjoy and there have been other times when I have barely cared at all.  What I am more and more convinced of is that it is possible to live a generous life either as a rich or as a poor person.  Being wealthy does not make you greedy just as being poor does not make you unselfish. Surely it is the mentality that you have towards others, towards giving, that matters in each case.  Is the intent positive?  Have your researched the cause?  Is your gift generous without being financially reckless?  How do you feel having given?

Shoot me a line in the comments explaining your approach to giving…

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Bjorn Karlman

One of my new year’s resolutions is to make this demand of myself every morning:  “Decide How Best to be Generous Today”.  I have been reasonably consistent about asking myself the question but I am not sure how much is coming of it so far.  “What does being generous even mean?” I’ve asked myself.  I talked to a former clergyman about this once.  He had been burned by organized religion but seemed to hold on to some good memories of the humanitarian work that he and his flock had done while he was still actively involved.

“Bjorn, we loved even when it hurt, especially when it hurt.”  He described difficult situations when it was hard to be generous but people had still stepped forward with a show of altruism.  I was impressed.  I liked the idea of loving the next person and being generous even when it was difficult.

Displays of almost unnecessary generosity are obviously not the exclusive domain of a particular religion or culture.  It is universal.  I feel like I have witnessed it everywhere that I have traveled and in every faith community that I have visited (I’m a bit of a religious tourist and enjoy seeing different belief systems in action).  I wonder what triggers it.  I wonder why I so often hold back from showing it to others.

I have heard political arguments against generosity, against helping others.  “If you help them you are enabling their dependency issues,” I’ve been told.  I remember one mentor who listened to my frustrations with the complications I was experiencing mentoring a troubled teenager.  “You’ve got to let people fail,” she said.  On a purely intellectual level I understood what she meant.  My own failures in life have often been some of my most teachable moments.  If I had never been allowed them I don’t think I would have experienced some of the growth and successes that I am grateful for.  But at the same time my mentor’s approach seemed callous and impersonal.  She had no idea about the circumstance of this kid, how he’d grown up and what he needed.  And yet there she sat pontificating on his need to fail.  What if failure was all he knew so far in life?  Did he really need another miracle boost of failure or did he need some bootstraps with which to pull himself up?

There are not easy answers – not on a personal level and not on a policy level.  I’ll keep asking myself the question though.  I’ll keep you in the loop on any epiphanies…

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Bjorn Karlman

The most recent run-in I’ve had with someone begging was last week when I gave a man a dollar outside CVS in my current hometown of Chico, CA.  He turned around and said, “to be honest, if I scrape together enough tonight, I’ll go get myself a beer.”  I regretted my donation.

Beer and Begging

I first started seeing signs about beer and begging in downtown LA several years ago.  “Broke and Need Beer”, or something to that effect is what one guy’s sign said at his regular station just off Wilshire Boulevard.  I remember thinking it clever and worthy of some spare change but then as I started to see the line used in other parts of California and I got over my amusement and grew indifferent to the signs.  Was my indifference wrong?  A lack of compassion?

Agonizing Stories

Begging takes on different forms in different parts of the world of course.  I remember being horrified as a disabled man begged on the streets of Bangkok and was forced to pull himself along on his chest, using his hands to move forward.  I’ve seen similar situations in other parts of Asia where you cannot help but pity those that beg because they are blind, mute or suffering from some other very obvious physical calamity.  What is the compassionate thing to do?

Children

It gets even worse when children are involved.   From asylum seekers in the UK, carrying babies and begging in London’s Leicester Square to the children that would crowd around me even in richer areas of the Peruvian capital Lima, children are often used with great success to prey on the good intentions of the passerby.  I remember a friend of mine who felt like he needed to give and took a whole flock of kids out to eat in Buenos Aires.  I felt bad for him first.  I had grown used to almost ignoring requests for money.  But then I second guessed myself.  Was my cynicism wrong?  What if they didn’t have shady overseers that they had to hand all of the money to at the end of the day?  What if their stories were true?   I brushed my questions off as guilt-induced naïveté.

No Answers?

I don’t feel like I have ever gotten a satisfactory answer to the question of whether or not to give to beggars or the homeless.  I have heard a lot of the quick commonsense reactions – “give to specific charities instead”, “buy them food”, “tell them to get a job”, “show them how to get to a shelter”.  Depending on the situation, each of these common reactions are helpful to an extent.  But none of them make me feel much better.  They may lift the guilt I feel about walking by but they don’t fundamentally help.

A Little Help from Government?

Is the answer legislation?  Some of the left-leaning friends I used to hang out with in college were sure this was the answer.  A bunch of us worked in a very economically depressed town in southwest Michigan called Benton Harbor.  A lot of us felt that, as nice as it was that we were out there tutoring, mentoring and delivering food, nothing would change until there was systemic change in the form of government programs and better educational opportunities.  On some level I still think this is true but the abuse of public welfare that was also evident as we worked with family members that refused to even look for work made me cautious of looking too confidently to government spending for answers.

What do you think?

As much as I write CultureMutt to advance what I call “savvy, global do-gooding”, I don’t like pat answers to complex problems so I am simply going to admit my deep confusion at how to best help when I encounter homelessness and begging.  I have given at times and I have not given far more often.  I have helped out a half-way home.  I have talked to homeless people on the street and at shelters to try to understand their stories.  I’ve tried to read up on what to do.  I’ve talked to those “in the know”.

I don’t know that I am any closer to solutions.  What are your thoughts?  What do you do when you are approached for money?  Please leave your ideas in the comment section

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Bjorn Karlman

enlightened slacker?

Travel to any global vagabonder magnet – Hong Kong, Buenos Aires, Amsterdam, Paris – you name it, and you are bound to come across a bunch of seriously confused, unemployed 20 somethings traveling on their parents’ dime and clueless as to what they are doing in life.  Start a conversation with them in hostels or streetside cafes and the picture quickly emerges:  They just finished college or are taking a break from school.  The job market sucks so they are stalling on finding a job and are instead traveling while they are still young and can do it.  They just got laid off and are drifting on severance pay.  They’ve rejected the 9-5 rat race and are now out to live on as little as possible and really enjoy life far from the distractions of the corporate grind.  Travel is a way to put off the nasty realities of life.  It’s the grand escape.

The Enlightened Traveler

Then there is the enlightened traveler.  To this type, travel is not an escape.  It is a deliberate life growth decision. For this kind of purposeful vagabonder, travel is a way to grow.  It is often well planned out – if not in terms of specific itinerary, more so in the sense that it was premeditated.  It was planned for financially.  It was a lifestyle decision.  A rejection of the suffocating norm.  An embrace of diversity.  A look into how much more life and the world has to offer.

The Grand Decision

The fact that both kinds of travelers are out there and the fact that we as travelers or internationally-minded lifestyle designers have a choice of how to live speaks to the richness of options out there.  Travel can be incredibly enriching or it can be a complete drain of resources.  You can emerge refreshed or financially and emotionally broke.  The grand decision lies with us.

Head in the Sand

The answer should not be to ignore the question.  I’ve talked to friends and colleagues that can see very little point in traveling or investing in an international broadening of horizons.  Why spend your money on travel when you could use it to enhance the day-to-day?  What’s so great about being somewhere else.? Why give up control, risk your own security and step out of your comfort role unless you need to?

Try It

Part of me says that if you have to ask these kinds of questions you are better off staying at home.  But the more hopeful side of me says that the response should be “just try it.”  Try traveling.  See if you can resist getting hooked on the thrill of adventure – the surge of adrenaline that comes with discovery – of the world and of yourself.  See if you can ever look at life and home the same way after you have experienced the chaotic beauty of the exotic urban capitol that is Bangkok.  See if a trip to the Vatican doesn’t inspire an awestruck appreciation for unmatched scale, class and architecture.  Go volunteer at an orphanage in Mexico and see if you don’t come back with a fresh perspective on life.  In short, see if you are ever the same again after giving yourself up to a genuine experience of travel, of “otherness” – even just once.

Grow Intentionally

No, the question of whether to gain or to lose from travel does not come from staying put.  It comes partly from trial and error but more so from a much deeper place.   Do you want to experience the best that the world has to offer?   Do you want to drink deeply of the richness in life?  Do you want to be transformed into someone that is more self-aware, compassionate, open-minded, tolerant and understanding?  Then choose to travel with these transformational qualities at you core.  Decide that whether it be a long weekend or a multi-year global trek, you will make travel the greatest growth experience of your life.

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You cannot BELIEVE how excited I am.  I am going to break from the norm here on CultureMutt and ask you to PLEASE vote for me  (scroll down on the linked page and you’ll see my name listed). Why?

Jammie and I are giddy wth excitement!

Because Tim Ferriss, the TOP 1000 Blogger / New York Times Bestselling Author whom I look up to HUGELY, just shortlisted me from a group of about 300 fundraisers and I am now in the final group of 5 to be considered for a Round-the-World-Trip.

I could not believe that I had been shortlisted, it took a friend from Atlanta giving me the heads-up on Facebook for me to go and check the results.

It gets even better.  Even if I don’t win the RTW ticket, I still have a 3 out of 5 chance to be listed as one of 10 fundraisers that helped bring in $20,000 for one of three schools (with Tim’s matching gift the total raised will be $60,000 and his combined efforts will therefore build three schools) that are being built through the organization Room to Read.

Just over two weeks ago, on July 31st, I wrote What Really Matters to You, a post that helped to start get the ball rolling in terms of my own fundraising for the cause.  I explained that, in line with CultureMutt’s pursuit of “savvy, global do-gooding” I was supporting Tim Ferriss who

is absolutely one of the “architects of positive change” that I aim to emulate and write about.  He’s turning 34 and instead of b-day presents he’s asking people to donate to Room to Read – World Change Starts with Educated Children that, among other things, builds libraries in Asia and Africa.  His post invites readers to give to the cause and includes the hook that if you give and spread the word… he’ll include you in a drawing for a free round-the-world air ticket:

I ended up doing a ton of online promotion which you can read about on the voting page.  The result was that I made the cut and was listed as one of Tim’s top 5 promoters.  Tim’s readers are now voting on the best commenter/promoter out of the five shortlisted contestants.

I am trying to keep this post short and to the point but, once again, I would REALLY appreciate your vote.  My wife Jammie and I have already committed to visiting at least one of the schools/libraries that will be built as a result of this fundraising, regardless of whether I win or not.  But how much fun would it be to win!

The voting link  (look for the voting section at the bottom of Tim’s post)

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Most of my friends that are living unconventional, international lifestyles absolutely LOVE their lives.  When I talk to them they tell me how glad they are that they made their decision to live differently, to explore, to grow and to experience life outside of their home country.  As much as I love Sweden, I feel the same.  I would not trade my traveling or my long-term relocation experiences for anything.  The international life is perpetually exciting, adventure-filled and full of opportunities to grow and experience the best that the world has to offer.

One of the biggest caveats to the undeniable advantages of the mobile lifestyle, however, is that a lot of people just don’t get it.  Whether they be parents, friends, bosses, colleagues or people you meet on the street, people will find it difficult to understand you and your way of thinking.  You are too different for them to get their heads around and they may therefore treat you differently, question you or hold you at arms length.  This can be discouraging at times.

Realize that although they may mean well, friends’ gut reactions to your lifestyle should be taken with a grain of salt.  I am not advocating blowing off the counsel of friends and family.  Certainly the important people in your life that care about you should be listened to and respected.  But do not expect the international, mobile and service-centered life that you have spent years dreaming about and preparing for to be understood by your average acquaintance.

Often the mere fact that you are approaching life radically differently is enough to make insecure people around you feel like you are judging their lifestyle.  There is little you can do to avoid this other than deciding for yourself that you will not judge others for their lifestyle decisions and – just as important – that you will therefore relieve yourself of the need to worry about how others see you.

Be Patient.  Cut those that question you some slack.  Put yourself in their shoes.  What if someone told you that they had decided to spend the next 10 years at a silence retreat to fully experience the benefits of never speaking a word?  If you were relatively open-minded you could appreciate the potential benefits of such a life choice but you would probably still consider the decision questionable at best.

Now look at your situation.  You are telling friends and family that you are leaving behind school, your reasonably paid job or even worse, your current stint of unemployment, to travel the world and do some volunteering in Asia.  You what?  On face value it does sound a little crazy.  But hang in there, some of the doubters will turn into supporters if you stay in touch faithfully and give them updates on your progress.  Who knows – your updates of new friends, adventures, romances, exotic job offers, delicious food, fascinating conversations and meaningful opportunities to serve, might turn some of the doubters into your staunchest supporters.

Embrace your new family.  Here’s a refreshing rule of thumb:  Your new base of supporters and “fans” will soon outnumber the doubters, detractors and naysayers.  As more and more people hear about your refreshing and empowering life choices, you’ll start to develop a support crew of people that think what you are doing is great.  They will often be more passionate in their praise than the party poopers complaining from their armchairs at home.  You only have one life so focus on the smiling, happy people that are building you up rather than those that do nothing but criticize.  These new supporters become your new road “family”.  Whether they are Facebook friends, blog readers, Twitter followers or real life local friends, celebrate the people around you that love and appreciate you for who you are and what you stand for.  They are there for you and they “get it”.

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Bjorn Karlman