Partying hard in Hong Kong (bottom left)

I stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was this chubby, blond, sumo-looking kid growing up in Hong Kong.  As you can see in the picture opposite, I looked very different…

As if looks were not enough of a distinguishing factor, I was also being raised very differently from the Chinese norm.  From an early age (about 3), most kids in Hong Kong would start kindergarten and begin study in what was quickly becoming one of the most competitive educational systems in the world.

Competition for jobs and higher education in Hong Kong was (and is) fierce and linked closely to educational rank so there was a huge emphasis on educating children as quickly as possible.

This may have been the case in Hong Kong but my mother was of an altogether different, Swedish persuasion: kids should be kids and play outside for as long as possible.  They had their whole lives to be formally educated. So while my Chinese friends were running through math drills I was tearing around the neighborhood in my classy red pedal car.

I have come to look at this classic East/West division as the difference between the “pressure cooker” and the “crock pot” approach to childhood education.

Pressure Cooker

There were definite advantages to the pressure cooker style of education.  Kids were pushed through school as quickly as possible.  My Chinese childhood contemporaries were WAY ahead of me in reading, writing and math.  I mean there was no comparison because I basically couldn’t do any of it until I was seven years old.  I remember going over to friends’ houses and asking if they could play. And nope, they were studying.  It was an early experience in rejection and I took it stoically, as a Swede:)

Crock pot

The Swedish model that I was subjected to was different and fell more in line with the overall Western style of education where you start educating kids a little later.  Education then takes place at a more gradual (crock pot) pace.  Western kids don’t catch up with their Asian contemporaries educationally until late high school / undergraduate studies. I was almost seven when I started first grade and until then I had only gone to kindergartens that basically focused on socializing kids rather than giving them an academic head start.

Which System is Better?

I was happily surprised to meet some of my childhood friends from Hong Kong when I was in university in Michigan.  A few of us ended up at the same school and by then it looked as though the educational gap had closed some (although I am sure they could still run circles around me in math and the sciences).  The fact that each of us had chosen to come to the United States for college education, was, to me, significant.

Many of the Americans and Brits that I have talked to are completely convinced that their universities are the best in the world.  Maybe that is still the case.  Certainly Western tertiary educations are still in high demand and are well-respected around the world. The fact that English is very definitely the world language probably has a lot to do with this.  However, front runner status in terms of world educational systems will likely shift East as the balance of economic power shifts toward Asia. So the pressure cooker may win out over the crock pot in the end.  For now, maybe a hybrid of the two approaches is the way to go…

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Bjorn Karlman

Chubster

I was downright chubby for most of my childhood.  And although I’ve more or less managed my weight since, I am stocky and can be pushed over the edge to pudge in no time at all.  So losing weight and keeping it off is super tough.  I have always been jealous of friends that don’t seem to gain weight no matter how many buffets they hit.  Such was not my luck in life.

Why this monthly challenge?

Knowing this, and with the urgency of my sister’s March 29 wedding (and all the pictures) upon me, I decided that my first monthly challenge would be to juice for three weeks in order to detox, get healthy and lose weight.  (FYI, the idea behind my monthly challenges is that I will publicly challenge myself to something big that is designed to help me get better at savvy, global do-gooding in one way or another – some detox and weight loss through a different diet therefore fits the criteria.)

Since I started the challenge I have received advice for and against juicing (thanks everyone that gave me advice online and offline).  As mentioned in earlier posts, I soon switched from a purist juicing approach to a diet of smoothies.  The smoothies are more filling and contain the roughage I was missing with the juice and I have been able to integrate some protein in the form of protein shakes after resistance workouts and through nuts, tofu and other protein sources in the smoothies.

Setbacks

Some of the smoothies have been seriously disgusting.  I blended a whole beet into one smoothie and it was all I could do to control my gag reflex drinking that sucker all day at work.  I also messed up and went to shake it without realizing that I had neglected to screw the top on the canister down completely.  I got deep red beet juice all over my crisp white shirt.  As fate would have it I had a major community mixer to go to that night… I kept my cool and blotted the red out enough that it wouldn’t show with a jacket on.

Success

By day 5 or so I was getting the hang of the smoothie making and started enjoying the more palatable creations I was inventing.  I was also losing a near-alarming amount of weight, amounting to over a pound of weight loss per day. To date (and including my unofficial first day of the regimen) I’ve lost over 11 lbs.  As I sit writing this at almost midnight I am not at all hungry.  I have run over 6 miles today AND done some resistance training.  Because I have been putting away a serious amount of smoothies  – many with a major protein component – I’ve been able to slim down while toning up and actually (from what I can tell) gaining muscle.

The way ahead

I am hoping to get down to 170 lbs in time for the wedding which is in 18 days.  That is another 19 lbs from where I weighed in at this morning.  Impossible?  Maybe, but I will give it my best and keep you posted.

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Bjorn Karlman

I was sweating bullets.  “We normally only hire native French speakers for these positions,” the manager sneered.  My first call in my summer telemarketing job had been less than stellar.  I was calling in French to business execs in France, Belgium and Quebec.  The young manager was not much older than me and was eager to throw his weight around.  I could tell that he was going to be trouble.

A Mistake?

I muttered something and kept calling.  The next conversation was not better.   “Not interested.”  This was going to be rough. Had I made a mistake taking this job?  Was my French not up to par?  Had this been too much of a risk?  Was I just setting myself up for massive humiliation? There was no way to know yet so I stayed on the phone, hoping against hope that the “next call” would be better.  It rarely was.

It got worse

My direct supervisor was not much of a creative soul and simply opted for old school pressure.  “Show me the leads (“yes” responses) Bjorn!  I need better than this!”  He kept at it day in, day out.  I was heating up for a shouting match.  Finally I took him into a conference room.  “You better lay off, your pressure isn’t working!”  I told him.  Luckily, the comment seemed to help more than it hurt.  He gave me more space.

Pushing Aside Disbelief

“The people that get leads are the ones that believe they will…” I overheard another floor manager, (one that I liked) say to another caller.  I wasn’t sure how much it would help but I decided to try this approach and believe that I would rake in leads.  I physically stood up and walked around during calls.   I got weird looks.   I ignored the fact that the entire remainder of the French team were native French speakers.  I pushed, and pushed and pushed.  It was a risky, aggressive approach because it drew a lot of attention and would be hilarious to others if it failed. The French team started joking about my approach and the overly casual French I was using to “close” and get leads.  I kept going.

The Results

As I pushed aside the fear of failure and stopped thinking about the absurd risks involved in trying to sell in a foreign language, the results started coming in.  First it was one or two leads here and there.  Then they came in more steadily.  Somehow my non-native French turned out to be a plus because the execs thought I was more of a technical expert calling from the US and not just another telemarketer.   Every time a lead came in, I would come over and tell my supervisor.  The leads would go up on a white board in a tally format.  I kept calling, the tally marks kept going up.  Toward the 2-month mark I was outselling the rest of the French team combined.  I won telemarketer of the month and finished the summer off on a high.

Risks, it turned out, were a lot less scary if you plunged into them.  I try to think back to that summer when I face big challenges. I remind myself to push fear aside and take action.

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Bjorn Karlman

One of the most universally admired traits of the movers and shakers in society has to be the lack of inhibitions that the more dynamic types exude in spades.  Of course, cultural realities dictate what is appropriate and classy but despite these often arbitrary stipulations, there is room in each culture for some coloring outside the lines.  As the weekend approaches I start to think more of play than work and I am reminded that letting go is often half the battle as we try to do our best in today’s rat race to make a meaningful dent in the universe.  Savvy, global do-gooding is often hard work but it can also result from the grace that comes from some balance.

So let go a little this weekend.  Dance like nobody’s watching.

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Bjorn Karlman

enlightened slacker?

Travel to any global vagabonder magnet – Hong Kong, Buenos Aires, Amsterdam, Paris – you name it, and you are bound to come across a bunch of seriously confused, unemployed 20 somethings traveling on their parents’ dime and clueless as to what they are doing in life.  Start a conversation with them in hostels or streetside cafes and the picture quickly emerges:  They just finished college or are taking a break from school.  The job market sucks so they are stalling on finding a job and are instead traveling while they are still young and can do it.  They just got laid off and are drifting on severance pay.  They’ve rejected the 9-5 rat race and are now out to live on as little as possible and really enjoy life far from the distractions of the corporate grind.  Travel is a way to put off the nasty realities of life.  It’s the grand escape.

The Enlightened Traveler

Then there is the enlightened traveler.  To this type, travel is not an escape.  It is a deliberate life growth decision. For this kind of purposeful vagabonder, travel is a way to grow.  It is often well planned out – if not in terms of specific itinerary, more so in the sense that it was premeditated.  It was planned for financially.  It was a lifestyle decision.  A rejection of the suffocating norm.  An embrace of diversity.  A look into how much more life and the world has to offer.

The Grand Decision

The fact that both kinds of travelers are out there and the fact that we as travelers or internationally-minded lifestyle designers have a choice of how to live speaks to the richness of options out there.  Travel can be incredibly enriching or it can be a complete drain of resources.  You can emerge refreshed or financially and emotionally broke.  The grand decision lies with us.

Head in the Sand

The answer should not be to ignore the question.  I’ve talked to friends and colleagues that can see very little point in traveling or investing in an international broadening of horizons.  Why spend your money on travel when you could use it to enhance the day-to-day?  What’s so great about being somewhere else.? Why give up control, risk your own security and step out of your comfort role unless you need to?

Try It

Part of me says that if you have to ask these kinds of questions you are better off staying at home.  But the more hopeful side of me says that the response should be “just try it.”  Try traveling.  See if you can resist getting hooked on the thrill of adventure – the surge of adrenaline that comes with discovery – of the world and of yourself.  See if you can ever look at life and home the same way after you have experienced the chaotic beauty of the exotic urban capitol that is Bangkok.  See if a trip to the Vatican doesn’t inspire an awestruck appreciation for unmatched scale, class and architecture.  Go volunteer at an orphanage in Mexico and see if you don’t come back with a fresh perspective on life.  In short, see if you are ever the same again after giving yourself up to a genuine experience of travel, of “otherness” – even just once.

Grow Intentionally

No, the question of whether to gain or to lose from travel does not come from staying put.  It comes partly from trial and error but more so from a much deeper place.   Do you want to experience the best that the world has to offer?   Do you want to drink deeply of the richness in life?  Do you want to be transformed into someone that is more self-aware, compassionate, open-minded, tolerant and understanding?  Then choose to travel with these transformational qualities at you core.  Decide that whether it be a long weekend or a multi-year global trek, you will make travel the greatest growth experience of your life.

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Bjorn Karlman

Most of my friends that are living unconventional, international lifestyles absolutely LOVE their lives.  When I talk to them they tell me how glad they are that they made their decision to live differently, to explore, to grow and to experience life outside of their home country.  As much as I love Sweden, I feel the same.  I would not trade my traveling or my long-term relocation experiences for anything.  The international life is perpetually exciting, adventure-filled and full of opportunities to grow and experience the best that the world has to offer.

One of the biggest caveats to the undeniable advantages of the mobile lifestyle, however, is that a lot of people just don’t get it.  Whether they be parents, friends, bosses, colleagues or people you meet on the street, people will find it difficult to understand you and your way of thinking.  You are too different for them to get their heads around and they may therefore treat you differently, question you or hold you at arms length.  This can be discouraging at times.

Realize that although they may mean well, friends’ gut reactions to your lifestyle should be taken with a grain of salt.  I am not advocating blowing off the counsel of friends and family.  Certainly the important people in your life that care about you should be listened to and respected.  But do not expect the international, mobile and service-centered life that you have spent years dreaming about and preparing for to be understood by your average acquaintance.

Often the mere fact that you are approaching life radically differently is enough to make insecure people around you feel like you are judging their lifestyle.  There is little you can do to avoid this other than deciding for yourself that you will not judge others for their lifestyle decisions and – just as important – that you will therefore relieve yourself of the need to worry about how others see you.

Be Patient.  Cut those that question you some slack.  Put yourself in their shoes.  What if someone told you that they had decided to spend the next 10 years at a silence retreat to fully experience the benefits of never speaking a word?  If you were relatively open-minded you could appreciate the potential benefits of such a life choice but you would probably still consider the decision questionable at best.

Now look at your situation.  You are telling friends and family that you are leaving behind school, your reasonably paid job or even worse, your current stint of unemployment, to travel the world and do some volunteering in Asia.  You what?  On face value it does sound a little crazy.  But hang in there, some of the doubters will turn into supporters if you stay in touch faithfully and give them updates on your progress.  Who knows – your updates of new friends, adventures, romances, exotic job offers, delicious food, fascinating conversations and meaningful opportunities to serve, might turn some of the doubters into your staunchest supporters.

Embrace your new family.  Here’s a refreshing rule of thumb:  Your new base of supporters and “fans” will soon outnumber the doubters, detractors and naysayers.  As more and more people hear about your refreshing and empowering life choices, you’ll start to develop a support crew of people that think what you are doing is great.  They will often be more passionate in their praise than the party poopers complaining from their armchairs at home.  You only have one life so focus on the smiling, happy people that are building you up rather than those that do nothing but criticize.  These new supporters become your new road “family”.  Whether they are Facebook friends, blog readers, Twitter followers or real life local friends, celebrate the people around you that love and appreciate you for who you are and what you stand for.  They are there for you and they “get it”.

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Bjorn Karlman

adjusting to the American life...

Ever since I was in grade school growing up in the Philippines, I have had a confused relationship with America.  I love America but for some reason I have almost always ended up living in countries where anti-American sentiment could run high.

Breeds of anti-Americanism

In the Philippines there was the gratitude for American deliverance from Japanese control during World War II but anger at subsequent interference.  In Britain where I lived as a teen, politicians boasted of the “special relationship” that Britain had with the US while much of the population dismissed Americans as one giant, gun-toting Jerry Springer show.

I was studying in France when George W. Bush was elected the first time and I studied in Latin America soon after his election to a second term.  Those were bad – even dangerous – times to be identified as American.  But through it all I still saw the US as the place that had the most opportunity and I wanted my shot at living there.

Sounding American

I remember making a conscious decision at the age of 12 or 13 that I wanted to sound like an American.  By then I had already decided that I wanted to go to college in the United States and work there afterward.  I figured that any non-American accent would be a barrier if and when I moved to the US so pulling on my various stints in America (basically two six month periods), and the way my American friends and teachers sounded, I accent corrected until almost everyone mistook me for an American.

It helped BUT

I’m not going to lie – despite the fact that I got some crap from European friends for sounding “SO American”, the accent helped as soon as I moved to the US for college.  Somehow the barriers that accents created for other international students didn’t apply to me.  Americans assumed I was one of them until I told them otherwise.  And for the most part, I thought, “mission accomplished.”

Until I felt like a sellout.  Was I just masquerading as someone that I fundamentally was not?  Or was this simply the life of the Third Culture Kid (someone from a certain country/culture that has grown up in a different country and therefore created his or her own hybrid culture.)  I knew that travel and multiple major, long-term international relocations left me not entirely at home anywhere but very familiar with lots of different cultures.  But had I tried too hard and given up too much of my original identity to blend in with Americans? The question still bothers me today.

It Gets Touchy
My own wife confesses that she forgets that I am Swedish.  And almost everyone else does too.  As much as this can be convenient, conversations sometimes get tense when an American dismisses “socialist” Europe or I share my fairly Scandinavian views on the death penalty, divisive patriotism or the limits of American international influence.  As a disagreement brews and I sense that some sparring is coming up I feel really tense and I realize how American I am NOT.  I used to tackle disagreements head on (if you are a long-term CultureMutt reader you’ll remember some sharply worded opinion pieces:)) but nowadays I don’t think the fight is worth it.  Why not emphasize common ground rather than keep stressing about the things about America that I dislike?

Making it Work

Fundamentally I believe in this common ground and how it has to be the focus – not just for this Swede living in California, but for all of us internationally.  Helping to build international cultural common ground in order to do good things for society is one of the reasons I write CultureMutt.  I want to do my part.  The world is getting flatter and more connected every day.  Yes, this makes for a lot of confusion and tension.  But it can also lead to enormous progress and growth as we learn understand and accept each other.

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Bjorn Karlman

some volunteer friends pretending to pass out after feasting in a Seoul restaurant

There is something seriously refreshing about service-minded globetrotters.  Some of the best people I have ever met, I have gotten to know on campuses and other outposts around the world.  They have generally been volunteers of some kind or people working for nonprofits.  Once you take away money as the main motivator in people’s lives and add a love for global travel in its place, people tend to really blossom into amazing human beings.   They just seem to automatically sound more interesting, more fun and better rounded.  They have real spark and a definite energy about them.  It’s incredible and I always enjoy meeting them.

I’ve often tried to work out what it is that makes these globe trotters tick.  Here are a few things that I have observed:

1) They see the bigger picture

I remember skiing with a guy in Northern Sweden who was convinced that he would never need to learn English.  I was 16 at the time but I still felt like the guy needed to travel a little and expand his understanding of the world.  The tragedy is that he may actually have been right.  If you stay in the same place your whole life, you may not need to grow and develop into an informed world citizen.  But you miss so much by this kind of complacency.  Those that travel are almost automatically more open minded, tolerant, understanding and more likely to see the bigger picture.  This is a very valuable quality.  Getting stuck in provincial nit-picking bickering is highly unattractive and a waste of time.

2) They are more curious – Travel – specifically service-minded travel – grows you as a human being.  It specifically grows your mind and forces you to ask questions – both of yourself and of those around you.  You discover more ways of being human.  You learn that there are different and often better ways of doing things.  You discover the beauty of other cultures and ways of seeing life.  It is exciting and drives you to learn more and more.  As you try to help people from other places, you yourself grow – it is always a two-way street. 

3) They are flexible – Anyone who has traveled extensively or done service-related work oversees knows that in order to be happy you have got to learn to be flexible.  You do give up a lot of c0ntrol in travel.  That is part of the beauty.  New environments will often mean an unpredictable schedule, re-written rules and a lot of other situations forcing you out of your comfort zone.  It is here that the seasoned international do-gooder adapts and stretches – it is healthy and a very positive thing.

4) They love the unknown – One step further than learning flexibility is actually learning to love the unknown. I find that seasoned service-minded relocators actually relish the adventure and growth that comes from deliberately tackling more of the unknown than most will see.  A foreign environment keeps you on your toes because you are constantly exploring and learning.  What lies ahead is unknown and with practice you can learn to see this for the excellent, suspense-filled growth opportunity it brings  rather than mourning the loss of the familiar.

A service mindset, powered by global travel has incredible power to make you a better, more interesting and exciting individual.  Why delay?  Find a cause, find a location and make the jump.  The world and you yourself will be better for it.

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Bjorn Karlman

me proposing to Jammie... a big move that could not wait:)

Are you sitting on a big decision right now?  Are you putting it off because it is just a little too scary?  It probably has the potential to change your life, right?  A choice between jobs.  The question of whether to go back to school.  The decision of whether or not to get married.  It’s intimidating.  And often the excuse that you and I give ourselves for putting it off is timing.  We convince ourselves that a little more time will somehow improve our set of life circumstances, that we will be wiser or the future will be clearer if we just wait a little longer.

And yes, this can be true at times.  But more often than not, immediate action is your answer.  Don’t put your life on hold any more.  As Tim Ferriss, in his lifestyle design rhetoric stresses, The timing is never right.  There will never be a better time to start living a courageous life.  It is time for us to DO something.  As CultureMutt is about savvy, global do-gooding, this post will focus on beating timing related stalling over big life decisions.

Acknowledge the fear

Each time I decided to do something unconventional involving international relocation I have had to face my own fears.  Am I just escaping?  Will I fall behind everyone else?  What if I fail at my assignment / language learning / relationship building?  Do I have what it takes?  Will I lose my friendships at home?  These questions are scary because they deal with the unknown and because they address the possibility of failure.  What I have found each time is that none of these questions are unhelpful in themselves.  They are worth asking and it is important to work out contingency plans and to face any adventure with the right mindset – as an adventure of growth rather than as a cowardly escape.  But the fact that these are valid questions does not mean that you should spend forever agonizing over them.  Don’t put off these questions for a “better time”.  Feel the fear, deconstruct it by writing down answers to the scary questions and talking the fear over with friends.  But DO NOT let it slow you down.

Face your worst-case scenario

How bad would it be if the worst thing possible took place?  There are always dangers and perils that threaten you.  Picture yourself living the worst-case scenario.  More often than not, the disaster scenario still leaves you with a pulse, correct?  Delaying your life over timing dilemmas WILL NOT HELP.  In reality, calm steps and smart thinking would allow you to dig yourself out of your potential mess.  On the other hand, the blue sky scenario or even an average result of your big bold step can often pay off huge.  I often think of famous people that made risky decisions that paid off.  I imagine how they processed the risks – their fears and doubts.  And then I think about what they would do in my shoes.  I am often a little embarrassed when I realize how much more bold they would be, living a day in my life.

Make decisions in your happy place

Hands-down one of my best decision making periods is the cool-down period after a run.  I currently have a little stress-busting routine that I indulge in several times a week – I run out to my local airport (just over 2 miles) and then I walk back.  The run out helps me build up a sweat and mull over frustrations and fears.  And the cool down period on the walk home is this period of extreme clarity when I think better than I have all day – it is as if a mental haze lifts and I am able to dream big and make bold decisions.  I trust the decisions I make directly after runs a lot more than I trust decisions made out of the aggravations of the everyday grind.  Find what works for you and make your decisions about overseas relocation, service and travel from a happy, relaxed, endorphin-charged place. Make courageous decisions, not jaded, tired, procrastination-laden ones.

Take tiny steps in the right direction

One of my best friends and I attracted a lot of eye rolling a few years back when we came up with what we called the “non-negotiables”.  We each came up with a list of things we HAD to do every week day.  I think my list (which included things like “go running”, “study Mandarin”, “start learning to play the piano”, etc) translated to 5-7 hours of work a day, on top of my full-time job.  Some of it was fun.  I was living in a grimy part of Hollywood at the time but I would go running on a four mile loop that included the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  But the crazy hours and sleep deprivation soon caught up with us.  We tried to help each other out – my buddy showed me some of the piano basics and I helped him with his French vocab but within a couple weeks when another friend asked us about the non-negotiables, my buddy summed up our progress with, “well they’ve become a little more negotiable.”

Looking back, the deliberate steps toward self-improvement were not the problem but the required steps were too big.  Whenever I’ve forced myself to take small yet intentional steps towards a goal, it has paid off though.  Little steps can be taken now, you don’t have to wait for the “right timing”.  Take the step and accomplish something!

Track your efforts

Lately I’ve become a tracking nerd.  I’ve noticed that tracking almost anything means that you will do better and better at it.  I track how much I run, how often I post on CultureMutt and how much I weigh among other things.  Seeing the numbers does something very valuable – it makes me compete against myself.  Where previously I’ve been putting things off out of fear, now I am constantly trying to best yesterday’s efforts at achieving the goal.  It is fun and it is satisfying – especially because it allows me to see my own progress over time.

Decide right now that the time is right for you to start living your generous, intentional, international life.  We each have it in us to move past timing-related excuses to the courageous, fulfilling life of action that lies ahead.

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Bjorn Karlman

look behind the cool, front exterior to Mr. Lonely:)

There comes a time for any and every traveler when thoughts of family,  friends, warm familiar faces and a trusted community become overwhelming.  Yes, traveling can be exhilarating and liberating.  It can be one of the most exciting forms of adventure in life.  But at some point the adrenaline dies, you struggle to find stamina and you wonder why you are half way across the world from everything you know and call home.  It all gets pretty melancholy and depressing.  You start getting resentful of your Lonely Planet guide books as they start taking on a whole new meaning. I’ve been there a few times and there were a few things that helped me bounce back.  Here’s my list:

Call your parents

This may seem obvious but most of us probably don’t do it enough.  Especially when I was away on my first major trip to the Philippines at 16, I waited too long to call home.  I think I was trying to save money and stick to letters and emails.  It was 1997 and international calls were very pricey.  I remember that I finally caved and called home collect!  It probably cost my parents a fortune but I felt a whole lot better after the call:)
Go on a run or play sports

The surge of endorphins that comes from vigorous physical activity makes it hard to remain depressed and lonely.  I have always liked running so I often take off running all over a new city.  This serves two key purposes – I get a decent workout and I get to know the town better.  A tip on this one – by running early in the morning you skip the traffic and it is safer than running late at night.  You’ll soon be able to fine tune the timing. In Seoul, for example, I quickly found that even 30 minutes made a huge difference in terms of how much time you had to spend dodging cars and pedestrians.

Playing soccer or basketball or whatever with the locals can be even more fun than solitary running.  I used to love playing soccer with some of my Argentine friends in Buenos Aires.  The exercise high, the camaraderie, the forced language acquisition and the easy access factor (most locals will not turn you down if want to join a casual game) combined for an awesome Sunday morning.  PLUS, you get invited to come back – you have FRIENDS:)

Forget being culturally authentic and go find the closest expat magnet restaurant

This may seem like a strange suggestion on CultureMutt but this really works.  Once in a while, it IS worth tracking down a Hard Rock Cafe or whatever the local tourist sellout location is.  Not only will the food taste familiar but you are also likely to run into other expats and travelers that are also craving a taste of the familiar.  Sometimes a conversation with someone from your part of the world, even if he or she is a complete stranger, can be just the spark you needed.  A word of caution here though – it is easy to become a lazy expat, to decide that you are only going to hang out with expats and that you are somehow “above” the local culture.  This robs you of the benefits of travel and you may as well book your flight home if you have mentally checked out of being abroad.

Find an organization that you were part of at home

I have experimented a lot with this one, mainly in the form of hunting down churches.  It also works if you are part of an international service club or anything similar.  You’ll find that religious and service organizations have a distinct culture that is often fairly consistent all over the world.  If you are a member in Europe or stateside, you will generally be just as welcome in Tokyo or Lima, maybe even more so because you are the “new arrival”.  I’ve often been lucky and been taken home for lunch and city tours, just for taking the trouble to find a church.

Book a night at the craziest hostel in town

Hostels are amazing places.  Not only are they cheaper and often friendlier than high-end hotels, they are full of adventure-loving travelers that are out to have the best time of their lives.  I remember having a total blast with a random Swiss guy I met in Vancouver, BC when I was there to take care of some paper work at the American consulate.  I met him at a hostel I found for $10 Canadian a night and he turned out to be a great tour guide and a very entertaining storyteller.  Similarly, I met a whole international group of hostel dwellers (including two fellow Swedes) in Buenos Aires when I first moved there and within days we were conquering the city together.

Volunteer on a service project

There are few things that combat depression and loneliness quite as effectively as a good service project.  Savvy, global do-gooding, right?  Doing things to help other people makes you feel good.  And often the people that are drawn to these projects are interesting, altruistic, happy types that make for great company.  My wife, Jammie often talks about how easy it was to make friends with other English teachers in Korea because everyone felt like they were on a happy, service-driven adventure and was open to new friends and new adventure.
I hope this helps.  In my time on the trail I’ve used all of the above to overcome loneliness and I’ve seen others do the same.  There are always those that give and go home because they are lonely and miss home too much. But if you have invested money and time in planning an extended overseas adventure, it makes sense to do all you can to reap the full benefit.  You can do it.  So stand up, dust yourself off and step out of the internet cafe you’re holed up in and start enjoying your life on the trail again.

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Bjorn Karlman